Terminator Salvation

Synopsis: There's robots. Stuff blows up.

Bland.

Which is strange.

All the parts were there.

As of this writing, Night at the Museum 2 sits at top box office while Terminator Salvation opens in second place with only 43 Million. Do I wish it opened up on top? Of course. Does it deserve its spot behind another stilted Ben Stiller comedy? Probably.

Directing the first Terminator “without” Arnold (he does make a brief rubbery appearance) McG pulls in fantastic star power only to promptly lose them in the background. Newcomer Sam Worthington plays, perhaps intentionally, the only human character in the whole film. Beyond humans being more flesh colored and the machines looking like nonstick cookware, their dogged hatred and mutual desire for the eradication of the other makes them most indistinguishable.

The chase scenes are good. There are explosions. Some explosions involve giant robots. There are lots of nods to all the previous films: some too obvious while others more subtle bones handed under the table. So why isn’t it good? Well, it isn’t bad actually. As a sci-fi action flick it delivers the goods. But that’s all it is. It’s far too safe. The movie was cut down to a PG-13 rating (all previous were R) but comes across as PG. There’s no squirm scenes: the Cylons making human hybrids in made-for-TV Battlestar Galactica made me more uncomfortable. Arnold rips the skin off his own arm and has bullets pulled from his back with needle nose pliers in T2. Marcus just gets really beat up. I’m not one for blood and guts, but machines standing around looking intimidating is not good story telling. The characters are flat. We know these people can act if given a chance. Instead Bryce Dallas Howard hangs out looking pregnant and 4 time Oscar nominee Jane Alexander delivers a total of two lines before getting snatched by a harvester. Why is Bryce pregnant? Is she ever threatened and John Connor has to save her and his unborn child? Nope. Why is Common even in this movie? I have no idea.

So why do I wish it did better? Like I said, the parts are there. The special effects, the star power, the story potential. Bale signed on for a trilogy. A real writer could push the next film into the realm of fantastic. Unfortunately we may never see the messianic culmination of John Connor if the series is lamed right out of the gate.

I have already had to watch my beloved Star Wars turn into little more than a cash cow for Hasbro while Indiana Jones fights off aliens (aliens!).

Please don’t do the same to my Terminators.